Another Link

I haven't been able to post a blog of what happened during the Commitment Ceremony.  Good thing friend and one of the guests posted a detailed description of what transpired then.

They did it for Love

Thank you Corporate Closet for the wonderful write-up.  Till the next one.  :-)

A wedding gift

 One of the guest wrote about the wedding......just sharing.  Click on the link below:

Wedding gift
 

Thank you Joseph!  :-)

The Vow

This is it. Here we are. After 3 months of planning, 4 weeks of dieting, 3 weeks of no sex (kasi sabi mo gusto mo exciting ulit ang honeymoon) and endless hours of planning and arguing, here we are.  Here we are in front of everyone wanting to make what we had for nine years complete and formal.

After all those years together, we know we don’t have to do this.  It isn’t legal anyway, nor is it binding. But here we are, with the help of all our friends, here we are pushing through with it. 

I met you nine years ago never even thinking we will reach this point.  We took everything one day at a time and managed to survive this long.  We can always continue doing it the way we have done things for nine years. But no, I want to make sure we are in it for the long haul. Through this ceremony, in this beautiful place that is special to us, I want to commit myself to you forever.

But forever is a big word, it’s a big promise.  Besides, there is no forever.  So I will commit to you, the same way we have always managed things, to take it one day at a time, but do it consistently for the rest of my life......

So in front of everyone, I promise to love you, to honor you, take care of you, of our babies, one day at a time for the rest of my life.  Because there’s no other person I want to be with, than you, my baby, my love…….my life.   

COMMITMENT CEREMONY

It’s been almost three months after my proposal, and in 15 days, we are going to push through with the commitment ceremony scheduled by the end of the month.  These past few days have been a flurry of activities but with the help of my friends, planning for the wedding has been so much fun…….so far.

Groups have strategically been formed based on their “fields of expertise”.  So my HS friends have been assigned to direct the flow of the activities from the cocktails to the commitment ceremony, all the way to the dinner reception.  Another group of friends are responsible for the food, while another group volunteered to take over the set-up and design of the venue. I had to meet up with these three groups on different occasions since they do not know each other.  But the fun part is that at the end of it all, it’s going to be one big labor of love……and one big Kuya Germs Production number.  :-)

Invitations have already been sent out, and accommodations have been arranged since this is going to be an out of town “beach wedding”.  Menu has been set, and the cocktails to be served have been lined up.  Guests have been informed of what to wear.  Me and my partner have also agreed to start exercising and to go on a diet to prepare for the big day.

But through all this overwhelming activities, at quiet moments, I still think and ponder sometimes, why am I/we doing this in the first place? What is it that I am trying to prove?  This isn’t even legal!  So why am I committing myself to someone for the rest of my life……

Cliché and corny as it may seem, the answer is because of LOVE.

It isn’t the even the kind of new love where two NEW lovers feel for each other at the start of any relationship, where everything is bright and sunny, where sex is phenomenal, and everything the other person does is cute and adorable. What I and my partner have is a love tested through time, through nine years of ups and downs, through fights, betrayals, and mistakes. Through persistence, patience and a lot of understanding wherein we stood by each other and supported each other through all this time. 

It’s the kind of love where sitting through a silent dinner together is not uncomfortable, but loud and noisy sex is the norm.  Where house expenses are properly divided, but assigned cleaning duties are avoided or passed on to the other.  Its where showering at night before going to bed is important but ironically allowing our stinky dogs to sleep beside us is acceptable.  It’s the kind of love where good morning greeting and hug is a must, but cuddling on a hot summer night is a definite no-no.  .

But more than anything, more than what the ceremony represents, more than what we want to share with our friends on that day, what is important is that we agree to commit, to continually love, support and honor each other for the rest of our lives.  And that needs continuous work for both of us and continued support from our family and friends.  In the end we can say we did it for LOVE….

The Proposal

By November, my partner and I will celebrate our 9^th year together.  Unbelievable but true.   It has been 9 years of ups and downs, a relationship we never thought would last this long.  Something we just took one day at a time.

We had a 15 year age gap, something that was against us at the start.  Added to that, I was ending a previous long term relationship of 9 years when we met, while he, ironically, was just starting a new one…..with me.  Yes, I was his first.

So we took everything in stride.  Take advantage of the good stuff, ignore the hardships and just enjoy.  As the adage goes, look at it half full.
 

I guess the turning point was when we decided to live together; an opportunity made available that we immediately grabbed and took head-on.   Adjustments were made, budgets were considered, things shared.  It was a new adventure for us, it was fun and it was exciting.

To make it complete, we decided to make it a family.  A girl came first, his favorite, then my bundle of joy came after, a boy.  The DOGS made us happy, they made us complete.

Of course it wasn’t all that perfect, there were times we wanted to quit, when we wanted to explore and see what we have been missing outside our union.  There were hurdles and bumps along the way.  Mistakes were made, some really stupid ones, and some, that almost cost us our relationship. So there were fights that ensued, shouts that followed, tears that flowed, silent treatments given, and the worst one, a trial separation was considered.
 

Those were dark, depressing and lonely times. I was lost and incomplete. But when the anger subsided, I knew what I had to do, I could not give up.  So I pursued him again.  Visits, on the pretext of missing my babies, our dogs, turned to dinner dates and movie dates.  I made him feel special; I made him wanted…because he was just that, somebody special, someone I wanted. So another turning point came. Everything was forgiven and he came back.  It was a renewed venture for use, it was fun again and it was exciting.

When things returned to normal, it became that…normal.  We turned into this “middle aged” (?) couple going on with our daily lives, taking care of our babies, of each other, and going through the motion of our lives.  I knew that we needed a boost, another turning point.

So with the help and prodding of my friends, two weeks ago a proposal plan was hatched. 

I was finally going to do it, in front of my close friends.  Something I would not imagine doing in a million years. He had no idea it was coming.  There I was, down on one knee, unprepared, blabbering something, trying to be poetic and romantic at the same time. Tears slowly streaming down my cheeks, my voice cracking……there I was, proposing. 

I don’t remember what I said.  I knew I should have said more.  But this was not an ordinary proposal; it was MY proposal, I was asking my partner of 9 years, to commit to me, to our relationship, to be together for the rest of our lives.  It was THE turning point we needed, one that seals the deal.

And in between his tears, he said YES….

The Wedding

July 26, 2013.  It was 50 years ago today, when they got married in a church in Baguio.  It was a simple affair, with a few guests.  They were a young couple who believed in going through with the ceremony but not lavishly spend for it.  There were better ways to spend their hard earned money, especially since they are just starting a new life together.

Fifty years go by; they are still a happily married couple.  Every morning as they wake up, my Dad still prepares the coffee for my Mom at breakfast while she fixes their bed they slept in, both their morning ritual.

Two weeks ago, plans were made. It was just supposed to be a weekend vacation. A break, a treat, a simple way to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Typical of them, they agreed to a simple plan; gather everyone close, only their children and grand children for a weekend in Baguio.  Visit the church they got married to exactly 50 years ago, maybe ask for a special blessing from the parish priest, then go sight seeing for the rest of their three days stay in Baguio.  But unknown to them, there were a few emails exchanges made, followed by a few calls by their children to cousins who coincidentally lives in the same church parish. Two days before they were set to leave, everything fell into place.

Upon arriving in Baguio, everything was set into motion. There they were, back in the same church, wary, unsure, and hesitant of what will happen. The groom was forced to wear a long-sleeved polo shirt and slacks, attire he rarely puts on lately. The bride wore a sky blue skirt and white blouse, her typical ballroom dancing outfit.  It was a Friday afternoon, at 1 pm, in front of the same church, in front of the same altar, but in front of a younger priest.

What transpired was not just a blessing; it was a full-blown mass, a wedding, an intimate renewal of vows with only their children, grandchildren, a cousin, his wife, their neighbor and a driver as witnesses.  There were giggles as the ceremony was on-going, particularly in the exchange of vows.  Their grandchildren were excited, tickled pink when the “I-do’s” were exchanged.  The groom was nervous when he was asked to place the ring on the bride’s fingers.  He was unsure if it would still fit. The bride was flustered, laughing, and giddy when the priest finally said to the groom, “you may now kiss the bride”. The kiss, a smack on the lips, a gesture of their love to each other, finally sealed the deal. As the ceremony came to a close, the priest asked everyone present to join the couple in the altar and gave everyone a special blessing.  They were witnesses to a very rare and special occasion, an event only a few of us will be able to experience, more so be a part of.

We were truly blessed. 

STUNNED

I've almost abandoned this blog. But as I've said over and over, I may have abandoned writing but I never miss blog hopping. I visit, read, enjoy, silently react, and even re-read the entries of my favorite bloggers, the list of which has been growing steadily since.

As we all know, some bloggers prefer to "come out" to their readers by revealing themselves, showing their pics, and make known personal details that would expose the real "them". Others, just like me, prefer to hide their true identity. So reading through entries of these anonymous bloggers, from the snippets of information they provide, and the silhouettes of pictures they expose, I/we sometimes can't help but create an image of how they would look like if you meet them in person.

Recently, the image I set for one of my favorite anonymous bloggers was shattered, when I finally met him in person......I was dazed, amazed, in awe, and priveledged to have know this "famous" blogger in person.......because only last night was it revealed that I have known this guy all along for more than 30 years.

I have been reading his entries way, way back, probably even when he was just starting, I was already there. In fact, I mentioned him in one of my earlier entries two years ago on what inspired me to start blogging. Needless to say, his writing style is great and entertaining. He was gutsy in exposing himself (Mr. Ripley episode), brave in revealing his fears, analytical in voicing out the conflicts in his personal and religious beliefs (regarding his views on casual sex), very detailed in sharing his sexcapades and sometimes giddy at his conquests (ang dami ha!). Rightfully so, he was proud of his personal and career achievements (new house, new car, new office, san ka pa?), unselfish and caring to his family, friends and to his "katiwalas" (including the Home of the Abandoned Elderly), radical in some of his ideas, and sometimes baduy in his choices (Carpenter's - I Need to be in Love?!?! Tama ba yun?!).

Those were some of the things I knew of him through his blog. So when it was revealed to me last night that person I've known personally for more than 30 years was the same blogger, I was totally, totally caught off-guard for a few seconds. I could not connect the person in front of me to the blogger I was reading. It just doesn't seem to fit. He is CC?!?!?! WTF?!?! It can't be?!?!

But after the initial shock, I was slowly brought back to the reality that there are always new things we find out from people we know all our lives. Of course our friendship way back when we were kids was totally different from what we have now, Also, it did not help that we just recently got together again, (thanks to our HS Homecoming reunion) after years of no communication, that's why we still had a lot of catching up to do. But thanks to this reveal, I was able to fill in the gaps of our lost years and also be able to connect the person I knew to the blogger I followed. He was the same good old reliable friend I knew from way back then.

Thanks friend for allowing me to enter your "closet"!

I AM BACK.......again?

It's been quite awhile since I posted an entry....... and it's not because I've totally abandoned the blog world....in fact, I am still very much around, albeit a silent lurker.....blog hopping, keeping myself updated with what's going on with the my favorite and not so favorite bloggers., that sort of stuff. I just couldn't think of a "well worth it" entry for my comeback. Hahahaha.......

But I promise to write something soon...something insightful, something interesting, something worth reading......

Abangan...... :-)

IGOR

I kept denying it at first....but I fell, really fell deeply in love. Meet the new love of my life....Igor.....

Out of Town

I was recently out of town for a much needed break. Me, my lover, and another gay couple plus another friend who went solo went to Taipei, Taiwan just last week. This is the same bunch of guys I go out of town with because we really enjoy travelling together. Come to think of it, thanks to Cebu Pacific Promos, we have been out to most of its routine destinations from Shanghai to Siquijor, from Hong Kong to Bohol, Kuala Lumpur to Palawan to name a few. It's really a great experience, and of course lots of fun, to go out of town with a bunch of guys who really get along well in the first place. Aside from covering each other's backs, we all help out in making decision, its also a give and take when considering others preferred interest whether in shopping or nature tripping , an adventure or a cultural experience. Plus we all know when not to push ourselves of our limits, so we always end up having a good time.

I normally arrange for most of the details of the trip on line, from the date, to the hotel, even arranging airport transfers and usually booking a half day city tour just so we can get an immediate feel of the place. I know some experienced travelers hate to go on these arranged tours since part of the deal is ending up in some tourist traps, but for us, the standard city tour gives us a feel of the city and more importantly it gives us a bearing of the locations we would venture on in the next few days.

As soon as we fly in, exchange our money to the local currency, get picked up from the airport, dropped off at the doorstep of the hotel, and checked-in to our rooms, its just a few minutes of freshening up and off we go immediately outside. We are not big on shopping, we are adventurous eaters so usually we zone into places where food is sold. Aside from the sights, the sounds, and the climate of the place, the part I personally enjoy most in exploring a new city, especially in a different country is the food.....especially the street food!

From each city we've discovered, new sights and sounds we've experienced, new food we've tasted, new photographs we've taken, new souvenirs we've brought home, I must say that an added bonus to all of these, is bonding the old friendship we guys have through the memories we keep on these travels we ventured.

Self-Censorship

It's been almost a month now since my last blog entry and I still continue to wrack my brains on what to write. I've tried several times to come up with something that is worthy but I always end up editing myself. . . and I hate it! I ended up censoring my entries on the guise that I might "out" myself to people I know. You see, this is a secret blog that I have not revealed to anyone..... not to my lover, not even to my closest friends. No one knows that I have a blog except me......and the people who stumbled in my blog.....and that's you. In other words, I am afraid to reveal myself to you guys out there who read this....but WHY?!?!

I know, I know, this is stupid..... I promise I will stop censoring myself and just write what I feel like writing......soon! :-)

November 1

For some Filipinos, this weekend will be about treats and parties, chocolates and costumes, being spooky and having fun. But for most Pinoys, like our family, it will be about candles and cemeteries, flowers and tents, reunions and prayers. Because this weekend, like what we have been doing for the past 10 years or so, my family will be at Loyola Memorial Park to visit the grave of my younger brother.

My brother was at the prime of his youth, about to graduate college, taking up Engineering in the only school he has ever attended all his life. He was nerdy, quiet, seemingly unassuming but had lots of friends and knew how to have fun with them. Being the third among four siblings, he was the power broker and arbiter between me and my elder sister’s constant fights. He knew whom to take sides and when to do it so harmony would settle between us. He was the one my Mom trusted the most and he gave the least headache to my parents while growing up. He was a good boy, a good friend, a good brother and a good son.

Everything went haywire during a routine medical examination when doctors found a grape size lump on his left wrists. After some test, the doctors knew they had to do a biopsy to confirm their suspicions. So they asked permission from my parents to do a biopsy but added that should they find it to be malignant, they would have cut off the left arm just below the elbow to stop the spread of the cancer cells.

I remember how anxious we all were on the day of the operation. When word got around that he was about to be wheeled out of the operating room, we all rushed in to see how he was. We knew that the one sure sign that everything went well was if his left arm was still intact. So there we were, waiting, hoping, praying…

We saw his frail body, in a hospital gown, a blanket draped over him, with dextrose tubes around, barely conscious because of the anesthesia. I remember how the attendees, nurse and orderlies were quietly rolling him in his room, transferring him to his bed, checking the tubes attached to him. The whole family too was silently waiting, afraid to ask, probe or question. But we tried to be brave for him, or so we thought... but as soon as my Mom had the courage to come near him, caress his hair then gently, slowly, remove the blanket, we all saw what we feared the most…. his left arm was cut off.

I remember my father, me, my sister and our youngest, immediately turn our backs at him and cried….and oh, how we cried. But with all the crying I did, the wailing of my sister and the tears of my father, my Mom just stood there facing my brother, with no tears, chin held high, putting up a brave front, caressing him, whispering, showing and reassuring not only my brother but everyone around, that everything will be alright. I was stunned and I realized how brave my Mom was. I was so proud of her.

My brother was discharged from the hospital after a few weeks, and jumped in immediately to the activities he left off as if nothing happened. He went back to school, and continued with his extra curricular activities there. He went swimming, became good at ping-pong and just became more physically active. He was not conscious of his disability, faced the difficulties of having one arm as a challenge and just took everything in stride. He was doing great, he was enjoying life…... but it only lasted for about a year and a half.

Things turned around slowly at first. We started noticing he was getting tired easily, had difficulty breathing and was losing his appetite. Eventually, he went in and out of the hospital again, had chemotherapy but was still deteriorating. The whole family was there rallying for him, supporting him, praying for him. His classmates were there for him too. During one of his long hospital stay, three busloads of his schoolmates came to visit him one time. The hospital authorities were shocked at such a large contingent visiting a patient and refused to let them all in. As a compromise, only 5 students at a time were allowed to visit him in his room, so you could just imagine how long that took. With over a hundred college kids visiting him, it was a rowdy, fun, and tiring day for him. But he loved it….and the whole family loved it.

Less than two years after he was diagnosed with cancer, my brother died at our home where he wanted to. His cancer cells spread on his lungs, his stomach, and just all over his body. He was suffering and was in pain, especially in the last few days of his life, but he was still always cheerful, brave and optimistic. On his funeral, all his friends, classmates, families and loved ones were there not only to grieve but more so to celebrate his life, the way he wanted to be remembered.

So on November 1, his family, some of his friends and former classmates, will troop again to the cemetery to pay their respect to a good boy, a good friend, a good brother and a good son.

I miss you bro…..

SMOKING

I started smoking when I was 14. The first one was in front of a girl I was courting and trying to impress. I was a short and a lanky kid and I wanted to show her I wasn't a kid anymore by doing things only adults do....and what better way to show that than by smoking. We were standing around this dark corner with some other taller, older kids when I was offered a cigarette in front of her by one of the tougher guys. I blindly accepted, lit and inhaled deeply, only to cough it up immediately. I remember getting dizzy instantaneously and nauseous at the same time. Obviously, this brought laughter and lots of cajoling by the other kids, but I nonetheless still made an impression to the girl since she eventually became my first girlfriend....but that's another story. Anyway, I could never understand that time what drove people to smoke, how bad it really tasted, and what pleasure they actually derive from it. But even if my instincts tell me I was getting into something really stupid, from then on, I started smoking regularly.

I was smoking when I was with friends. I smoked while cramming for an exam. Of course I smoked when I was drinking. I smoked when I was in the bathroom. I smoked before I went to sleep. And the best of all times to smoke, after a heavy meal.....and boy, was it better than dessert! I think I may have reached a pack a day, but I guess this was mostly when I was out drinking with friends....and during my younger days, that happened a lot. So on the average, I was probably smoking a half a pack a day, and this was only because I made it a point not to smoke in the morning. So normally, my first puff occurred after my lunch meal only.

By the time I reached my thirty's, I realized I was already smoking half my life....and that really scared me! I knew I had to stop. So I gradually reduced smoking at first, then attempted to quit cold turkey.....but failed after about a year when I reached out for a cigarette during one of my drinking sprees. Tried again by reducing the number of sticks I smoked in a day to 5 sticks, then quit cold turkey.... again. Thankfully, it's been several years now and I haven't had a puff in years.

I know a lot of people would understand the "supposed" hell I went through when I quit.....and would be proud of me for staying smoke free all these years. I wish all those who are thinking of quitting to have the guts to finally push through with it. ....and I wish those who have failed to also have the guts to try again. I won't lecture you guys on the evils of tobacco.......because I am pretty sure you all know. I just pray you get to do it soon. And for those people who don't get it why people just can't quit smoking, I am happy you never got addicted to it and I just hope you understand, support, and help out the love ones you have who are smoking and wants to quit too.....

Blogging

Sometimes I can't help but wonder, what do I get from blogging? What do I want to convey in my writing? In the first place, am I writing so that others may read my thoughts and feelings? Or am I just expressing my views in words through a medium that's new and high tech?

It's so hard to answer all of them, especially since I am just new at blogging. But before all that, how did I get into this world of blogging in the first place?

I believe the first blog I came across was that of Nelz. He was still with his Pinoy lover Ian who also had a blog then. I remember how intrigued I was on their daily lives, their quarrels and even their sex lives, which they did not hesitate the describe in detail. Since then I was hooked! It was like a soap opera in the net....but this time, they were real people and a gay couple at that! It was great reading!

From Nelz's blog, I ventured into Mcvie's "shows". Here he was talking about everything and anything under the sun. His style of writing was great, very entertaining plus, informative for me particularly about his gimmicks and sexcapades. Being a homebody, I was sort of living his life vicariously. So through his writings, I was able to imagine how it felt like going to Bed, and how to handle yourself in F........places I haven't been to.

Then I ended up at Pulsar's blog...an anonymous, faceless guy who also wrote about everyday stuff......from his relationships, to his job, to his workouts, gimmicks, and his friends. He wrote poems and essays. He wrote in cryptic style, and did free writing. He described conversations he had with the different personalities he's created of himself through the years. Great read from who looks like a great guy.....

From thereon, I bumped into several other blogs....from Gibbs to Mandaya, from Corporate Closet to the much missed Wanda Ilusyonada, from Aris to even Danton....different peronalities, different writing styles, different topics......all a great read!

So what got you started in blogging?

Dentist

I was supposed to go to the dentist last week but I have been putting it off. Not because I am afraid of the procedure, in fact, there is just a small chip off my tooth that I wanted to be repaired because it has been scratching the back of my tongue when I talk or eat.

Anyway this isn't really about my dental appointment or the dental procedure that needs to be done. This is about death.

Yes death!

You see, I just found out that my dentist for more than a decade now is dead.

Yes dead!

The cause of death, well he fell from the stairs of their home.

Yes, he fell!

He fell from the top rung of the stairs when it gave way because it was termite infested!

Yes, termites!

It's not really such a great way to die is it? But he's still dead. So, is it such a waste?.....

Well it got me thinking, life really is too short....... so, should I live it day by day like it was the last day of my life?......... I started imagining how life of the people around me would be like when I am gone.... but they would definitely move on!......so I should'nt really think of how they will be if I was a goner, I should be more concerned how they are feeling now that I am still around.......

I believe in my heart that people around me are happy that I am around..... you see, I really am a great guy!